The comedian, actor, writer and drummer Craig Ferguson was born in Glasgow, grew up in Cumbernauld, and moved to the United States in the mid-1990s where he became the host of The Late Late Show.
What’s your tour show about?
An hour and a half. It’s more anecdotal and observational. Zero politics. I made a decision a few years ago to keep it that way. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m even sick of listening to the people I agree with.
What’s the best meal you’ve had in Scotland?
Fish supper with a fritter roll at Graziano’s in Girvan.
What was your first family holiday in Scotland?
We went to Millport. I loved it and still do. It’s the Cap-Ferrat of the Clyde.
What’s it like performing back in Scotland?
I don’t know yet. I played the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2019, but everybody knows the festival isn’t Scotland. It’s north London on holiday.
What do you miss most about Scotland?
The curries. And the Corries.
And what don’t you miss?
You know fine well.
What’s your favourite place in Scotland?
Ashton Lane in Glasgow. I winched a jakey outside the Ubiquitous Chip there on Hogmanay 1984. I still think about him and wonder what he’s up to.
Who would you say sorry to?
A lot of people who were in audiences to see me in the late 1980s. My alcohol intake then made me slightly unreliable and inconsistent as a performer. Sometimes I was shite, other times I was really shite.
• Put your hands in the air! My big night out clubbing to school assembly hymns
What’s your earliest memory?
Shitting myself.
Who was your childhood hero?
There were three. Billy Connolly, Denis Law and Neil Armstrong.
What’s your favourite journey?
Any multi-lane highway across America when I’m driving, listening to ZZ Top and eating a cronut — an outstanding hybrid of croissant and doughnut — that I bought at a truck stop.
What three words sum you up?
Lucky fat bastard.
Tell us one lesson life has taught you.
If you’re not 15 minutes early, you’re late.
What’s the most outrageously untrue thing that has been said about you?
There’s been a lot, but I remember my Wikipedia page used to say I play the harp. I don’t; it’s the glockenspiel.
Who was your first celebrity crush?
Alexandra Bastedo. She was in a now forgotten TV show called The Champions when I was a youngster.
Is there a moment that changed your life?
Too many to even comprehend, but the first time I heard the Damned single Neat Neat Neat I knew whatever was going on there was of great interest to me.
• ‘I nearly died from drinking’ — Arthur Smith on his comeback with Phil Nice
What has been your most memorable Scottish gig?
First time I played a real theatre. The Tron in Glasgow. I was amazed that people sat down and actually listened to what I was saying. It took a bit of getting used to. My parents saw me perform stand-up for the first time. I’m still not sure how they felt about it.
What song would you have at your funeral?
Can Your Pussy Do the Dog? by the Cramps.
What’s your favourite TV show or film?
Curb Your Enthusiasm. It’s just like living in Los Angeles, but slightly less believable.
What’s been your most embarrassing moment?
Jeez, if I could compress it into a moment. I’ve had embarrassing decades.
Craig Ferguson: Pants on Fire,Jun 21, 02 Academy, Glasgow, ticketmaster.co.uk
